Fresh Start

It all started on our wedding day.

I got up, ate some breakfast, and headed out for a run. I parked at a random strip mall a couple miles from our hotel, grabbed my iPhone, took one last swig of water, and headed off.

7 miles later, my knee gave out. Up until that moment, it was the one of the best runs I'd had all year. Fast, sunny, hilly, perfect really.

And then I limped the last mile back to the car, and, truthfully, all the way down the aisle. I've been limping ever since.

Yup, that's right. I've been injured, in some capacity or the other, for basically the past 4 months. I'm at my wits end. I've eased off (running the bare minimum for days at at time.) I've tried physical therapy, weights, stretching, yoga, foam rolling, massage, icing, new shoes, barefoot shoes. Nothing is working. I am beyond frustrated.

Sure, the ITBS seems to be getting better. But now my feet are in agony. And my lower back hurts. As soon as one injury fades, a new one crops up to take it's place.

Enough.
After 487 days and 1394 miles, I'VE.HAD.ENOUGH.

Let me rephrase that. My BODY has decided it's had enough.

I do NOT want to stop running every day. But I have exhausted every other way I can think of to fix whatever it is that is wrong with me. (Which, you know, varies like the days of the week lately...)

This decision has literally brought me to tears 3 times already today, and I feel a 4th coming on.

I'm scared. I'm irrationally afraid I'll lose my stamina, or my speed, or my desire. Or all of the above. What will be my outlet? My me time? I don't love other sports the way I LOVE to run.

But I'm more afraid that if I don't stop now, sooner or later I'll have to stop forever. And that would be much, much worse.

(Technically, I guess I'm not 'stopping'. I'm 'pausing'. I'm still going to run. But right now, I just can't do it every day. And I can't go very far.)

I'm not sure how long it's going to be. And that uncertainty is frightening. But I don't want to set some arbitrary time frame either. Who knows - maybe, in 4 more months, I still won't be healed. Or maybe all my body really needs is a few short weeks with some rest days mixed in. I really don't know. And I have to be okay with that.

For now, I'm scared. And I'm going to miss my daily runs like crazy.